Dormir, dormir

According to an article in New York magazine, loss of sleep is responsible for many of the ailments we face today:

• "Sleep-deprived people fail to recall pleasant memories yet recall gloomy memories just fine"
• "Sleep loss also elevates the stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol is lipogenic, meaning it stimulates your body to make fat,"
• "... experiment shortening adults’ sleep to six hours a night. After two weeks, they reported they were doing okay. Yet on a battery of tests, they proved to be just as impaired as someone who has stayed awake for 24 hours straight."

Here's something for the parents amongst us

• "On average, children who sleep less are fatter than children who sleep more."
• Sleep deficiency "has the power to set [kids'] cognitive abilities back years."

Here's one for Mrs. Maristhany (and the rest of the principals at Colegio Interamericano):

“Of all the arguments I’ve heard over school start-times, not one person has argued that children learn more at 7:15 a.m. than at 8:30.” (Dr. Mark Mahowald, U Minnesota professor who runs a sleep clinic)

Too late. 14 years too late.

Grumpy green

I like red. I love blue. I don't like green.

But these days, everyone is going green. So I take a deep breath, clear my mind and "embrace" green.

I collect plastic bottles (and dutifully put my 3.75 shekel's worth of deposit money in the pushke next to the cashier.) But then I learn from the newspaper that the underworld controls bottle recycling around here. So what can I do? Drag the stacks IHT/Haaretz dailies into the trunk, drive to the nearest paper recycling bin and hope that my well-intentioned road won't lead to environmental hell.

There's much I still have to learn from my Permaculture-versed cousin (and current India backpacker.) She's a self-defined eco-freako that looks ultra cool cool in her perennial knapsack of recycled clothes. I, however, have to worry about clothes that won't wrinkle and chemicals in dry cleaning and the carbon footprint of my 52 km car journey for my low-fat extra hot large 7:15 am cup.

(sigh)

When I was growing up, "green" was a uphemism for dollars. It stood for materialism and extremism and unripeness.

Today, it's a statement, a mindset and a business proposition. Or at the very least, a nice blog template color.

Information R/Evolution

As someone interested in, working with and pushing for information, this is simply a pleasure.

Facebook sins

"So you too have given into the vortex?" is what a friend wrote to me (privately, not on my wall) after having "ran into me" in Facebook. And less than 3 months after that original sin, my poor soul must confess to three other ones:

1. Last week I sent my cousin a birthday greeting through Facebook after having learned what he actually did for his 29th birthday (jumping from a plane, seriously) from his Facebook updates. We live 50 km apart (no time zone difference, no long distance calling or VoIP failure=no real excuses.)

2. I then sent my sister a happy birthday greeting through Facebook (okay, she lives halfway around the world) BUT.... I tried to make up for it by using my one free gift (chose cute chocolate birthday cake, which she -publically- said she liked very much)

And the worst of them all:

3. My bosses' boss found me on Facebook. I had the honor of being his friend. Big Brother is officially watching, and I let him.

Guess I now have to say three Hail Zombies and install the super-enlightened-extra-fun-fun wall as pennance.

Focus

I like frameworks. I feel comfortable with a plan, a timetable, a path. Does that mean I'm not spontaneous? Not at all. But I like the peace of mind that comes from knowing I'm not dropping too many of the important things at once.
Last week (and the previos one) was supposed to have been annual vacation.
Instead, I worked on two major projects (no, didn't finish), had a houseguest, juggled new schedules for my kids in their respective kindergartens, squeezed in three dozen visits to the supermarket (hey, it was erev chag 4 times in the past 2 weeks) and a visit to the doctor (ear infection for me) and home-sick-from-Gan-day (for Yael). Didn't quite have the patience for my soon-to-be-new-neighbors remodeling their apartment (thump thump, brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr - with no break during Israel's theoretical siesta between 2 and 4 pm.)
I need my framework back.
On shabbat and holidays I turn off the cell phone. I don't turn on my computer. Then I have a legitimate excuse to put off everything else, and just focus on my family (and myself) and the rest of the really big things that don't even make it to the to-do list.
Would my partners in the new biz venture be happier had I spent today working on my deliverables for Tuesday? Absolutely. Will M have a fit tomorrow when I tell him I didn't yet finish the set of presentations? Quite likely...
But did Ari and the kids enjoy the time that I finally had for them? Hey, they even said so.
[sigh]
I'm happy.

Forgiving and Forgetting

So what if it's only been one week since Yom Kippur?
I've so far managed to break all my new Year's promises on not procrastinating (see the date since my last entry), trusting my instincts, listening with full attention, being more patient and involved with the kids...
Warning: Guilt trip coming.
But I'm going to take a U-turn this time, courtesy of an old teacher. She taught me to learn from kids when it comes to forgiving. "Just look at them," she said, "they're real pros."
You see, even during the most ear-piercing of tantrums, it's unbelievably easy for children to suddenly stop, work things out with the brother/kid who "stole" the last piece of the puzzle and simply run off laughing with them, as though nothing had happened. Best part is, this ability is not exclusive to child-child fights and injustices; it also includes forgiving their parents.
I don't know when we lose this innate ability to forgive and move on, and I certainly like the idea of a built-in mechanism for such. It certainly beats the shallow, I'll-come-back-to-haunt-you survival skill of repressing and (temporarily) forgetting.
So 19 days into the new year (I'll try to be in time next year, but won't sweat it) - A healthy, happy, creative and guilt-free 5768 to all.

Good manners

Ben and went back to Gan (kindergarten) last week.
He's not the type who says much about his day. Only after probing a bit, or even better, telling him a little about my "exciting day" at work (what I had for lunch is usually the highlight), he'll say something like "Our teacher brought a real shofar to Gan the other day" or "I didn't like my tahini-and-cucumber sandwitch, so I didn't eat a snack today" (And so, guilty of treason, I cross out another "nutritious option" filling and make a note to buy more "round yellow cheese" with the hope I'll manage to add another item into the menu before the end of the schoolyear)
But today, something seemed to bother him.
"Ma, did you know that people in my gan don't close their mouth when they eat!"
Really?
"Yep. Not even the teachers!"

I chuckle. What am I supposed to say? My loud, hyperactive (sure seems like it) four- year old, the one that hardly says hello and goodbye, and who knows that whining works much better than please and thank you - worried about this?
Should I answer "You're right" and implicitly criticize his teacher ? Should I tell him that all people are different and have different style for eating? Or say "c'mon, it's Israel, son, and everyone is doing their own thing"

So I don't say anything. I just smile. He was listening to what we say at the dinner table after all.

Tia Godmother

Mom called again. Tia didn't make it.
Baruch Dayan Emet.

The Godmother

Last Tuesday our family's Godmother (otherwise known as my mom's aunt Reyna) had a stroke. Early Wednesday the morning, finally crying since she first heard at midnight, my mom called to tell me. To sweeten the blow, she ended, "I'd like to think that my sister is exaggerating, because she tends to exaggerate. She says things with Tia seem pretty bad."

She was not exaggerating. Tia is still in a comma, suffering from even more complications since.

Doctors say there's no hope.

Every family has a pillar. Someone whose influence is so strong, whose presence is so important, that others define the family in relation to that person. I am known as Reyna's grand-niece.

I am also Zeide Nune, Tia's father, great-grandaughter. We used to call him The Godfather (no mafia connection here, but his charm and influence over the family would rival the Corleones.) Tia inherited Zeide's sense of strategy and influence, but she used it in a different way. She was the silent Godmother, always pulling strings and making things smoother for all of us behind the scenes, no glory there

And when Zeide passed away 11 years ago, she became the sole Godmother.

She was a womanly Godmother, a fairy Godmother. Caring for Tio Mike and for our 93-year-old Bobe Malka. Orchestrating all the seders and rosh hashana dinners and family events for the family in California, and never missing one elsewhere (weddings in Guatemala, Bar Mitzvahs in Mexico, her grandson's school ceremony in San Francisco, and had she not collapsed last week, Eitan's wedding in Boston tomorrow). (And before my time, building the shop with Tio, growing the business, making deliveries for him. Plus raising two kids)

Tia was always running the show, making plans, volunteering, calling friends, giving and giving. Even driving me to a business meeting 50 miles away in rush-hour traffic when I was in LA for a quick business trip ("But Tia, my company pays for cabs!" nonwithstanding.)

This pillar is now fading. What will we do without her? Did we ever tell her how important she was for all of us.

And will my kids ever understand the concept of Tia Godmother?

Some thoughts on outsourcing

A friend in a high tech company I do consulting work for shared this story:
Both he and his wife work in high tech. They have 3 kids.
He has a confession to make - they've come to terms with their decision to "outsource childcare."
Outsourcing? As in sending out your manufacturing to Flextronics? As in offshoring your call center to India?
His explanation:
The nanny (metapelet) stays with the baby at their place, and at 1 PM picks up the older kids (ages 5 and 7) from kindergarden/school. Feeds them. Helps with homework. Takes them to their extra-curricular activities.
By the time mom and dad arrive, they're done with most of the activities of the day. But, he's fast to add, if there are any emergencies (older son forgot to sign approval form for his karate club? Younger kid wants to have a playmate over?) either parent can get there in 15 minutes or less.
Costs them a fortune, but doesn't sound too bad. It certainly beats our arrangement of leaving my kids until 4 pm at their respective kindergardens, and having a teenage babysitter several times a week (confirm availability an hour earlier) to pick them up and walk home (rail, sleet or scorching sun), who then feeds them hopefully-colorant-free-but-sugar-loaded shlukis (hey - whatever keeps the kids happy) and makes a mess out of my livig room in good days, watches 2 hours of TV in bad days.
Or maybe not.
My friend's confession is not that they have a brilliant Mary Poppins every day. It's that they've "come to terms" with outsourcing childcare.
No way. I refuse to accept that I'm outsourcing childcare or child rearing. Outsourcing is something you do with
a) things so specialized you're better sending them to an expert,
or
b) a task so common or simple that it's cheaper for someone else to do it (or by economies of scale as my mentor Ben Gilad would say)

Could motherhood not be a core competency of mine?
(okay, save your comments)
Is money all that is at stake here?

I don't care how many other "parenthood helpers" we hire to get on top of our regular workload - I'm not outsourcing this bit. I'm insourcing help. Creating new jobs. Bringing diversity into my children's day.

Is it only a question of semantics? It all comes down to what the I balance book will say in the end - did our kids show a profit from our activities as parents? Did we?

Naming your kids Web 2.0 times?

It suddenly dawned on me.
While looking at possibilities for naming certain elements of my new venture, I realized that naming your kids had just gotten much more complicated.
People currently search the web to browse popular names, learn more about meanings, maybe even Google a name or two to get a feel for spellings, variations, and current bearers (hopefully famous).

I'm guessing some are now using zillions of Facebook polls and Yahoo Answers questions to help make the decision. But will these folks alsocheck the domain name for availability as a main criterion ( As in +.com? )

Hmm. It gets worse.

• Will +.com worth more than dot net or dot info? Skip the dashes and underscores, of course.
  
• Startup! Special suffixes for those under 18 who are yet to claim their domain? Obvious candidate: dot kid.
  
• Will there be a new generation of kids named Tylr or jon.ath.an?

Ugghh.

My Kids - the introduction

ABOUT BEN (Two years, 8 months)
Ben likes music. He makes up the lyrics to his own songs. Knows the names of about 12 instruments, and pretends to play the guitar with a fork at the dinner table.
He is determined, strong, agile and loudspoken. He also gives the sweetest kisses and best hugs.
Ben sucks his thumb, especially when he's tired, or bored, or angry, or anxious.
He knows most of the letters of the Hebrew and English alphabets, and can switch back and forth beetween Spanish and Hebrew with ease.
In him I see things I would have liked to be and often I see the worst of myself repackaged in male format. Then I have to remind myself that he's only two.

ABOUT YAEL (10 months)
She's beautiful. Absolutely breathtaking. Blue, almond-shaped eyes and red cheeks.
Yael doesn't stop moving for one second. She can climb stairs. Cruises across furniture. Feeds herself Cheerios, bread, meat, avocado, yogurt (with her fingers, of course).
Absolutely refuses to take a bottle. Fortunately she can drink alone from a cup (water only - don't even try to sneak her formula) and make herself heard across the room.
Grins. Smiles. Shows you her toothless gums every opportunity she has.
Is in love with Ben. And Ben with her, as long as it doensn't mean sharing his guitar with her.